May I vent?
As a mother, my job is to love, protect, and provide for my children. Every decision I’ve made so far has been with that purpose in mind. I’ve mentioned a time or two on the blog about how I was 19 when I gave birth to my first daughter. I was a child myself, but I did what I had to do. I stayed up many nights with her when she was sick, cried when the struggle was more than I thought I could handle, and sacrificed a lot to ensure that she was well taken care of. I did all of that while her father lived his best kid free life. I took full responsibility for our child, and still raised her to love and respect him despite his absence. I even let her build a relationship with his family against my better judgement. After all, they’re her family too.
So what’s the problem?
Boundaries and people’s inability to respect them. I birthed the child, I raise the child, therefore I make the decisions for the child. A concept so simple and yet so hard for some people to grasp. When it comes to my children, what I say goes. Just knowing that someone thinks they can overrule that is enough to make any mother completely lose her shit!
So what do you do?
Grin and bare it, or keep the child away? I chose the latter and I stand by my decision. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been “tattled” on, lied on, and completely disrespected in the last seven years. Most of the time, it was because people couldn’t understand that my no meant no. It sucks because I’ve always imagined the kind of family I wanted for myself and my children. A two parent home, and so many children that they’d never feel lonely. I wanted to be able to call my in-laws “Mom and Dad.” Basically, I wanted the Cosby life. I got the exact opposite, some real backwoods of Alabama type stuff. My marriage is a cautionary tale for any 18-19 year old in the same position . . .RUNNNNNN
So what would YOU do?
You really don’t know anger until someone comes for you as a parent. There was a time when I would’ve swung on anyone if they even looked at me wrong. Imagine growing from that only to have people attempt to push those same buttons. Now, imagine those same people being related to your child. My daughter will be seven soon. She’s been in the center of family drama since she was born. At some point, enough has to be enough. I’ve talked with my daughter, and explained the situation as best as I could without saying too much. To my surprise, she knew a lot more than I thought she did. Situations like these suck, but there will never be a day where I’d let anyone feel comfortable enough to challenge me as a mother.
I know some of y’all are probably reading this like “girl why?” I really wrote this to keep myself from doing something I shouldn’t. I also wrote this for young mothers in similar situations. It’s ok to say no when it comes to your children. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for any decisions you make as a mother. In the words of Funky Dineva (look him up on youtube), “Say what you mean, mean what you say and stand firm in your word while you’re walking in your talk.” Until next time . . .
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