Dating in 2017 is hard, dating in 2017 when you’re a 26 year old single mother is harder. I’m either being approached by little boys with nothing to offer, or I’m being pursued by men with great careers who think they’re better than me. It’s enough to make anyone buy a lifetime supply of batteries and call it a day. A few months ago, I was happy. I thought I found my unicorn. He was educated, ambitious, and kind of cute depending on the angle. We got along perfectly. We were two nerds in a pod, until one day he compared me having children to buying a used car. . . Wait, what? To say my feelings were hurt would be an understatement.
I’m a pretty girl, partially educated (still working on that degree), and I take care of me and my daughters on my own I don’t have baby daddy drama, I’m not in the club every weekend, and I make sure my daughters and I uphold a certain standard at all times. It never dawned on me that being a single mother affected the way men looked at me regardless of how I carried myself. Before that day, it was never an issue. I always assumed that if someone pursued me knowing I had children, that meant they were ok with it. Apparently that’s not always the case. After I got over the initial blow and wanting to set his truck on fire, I realized two things. 1) He’s an ass. 2) Although he’s an ass, he had a right to feel the way he felt. I’m the one that made the decisions that ended with me being a single mother, so I can’t expect someone who has never been in my shoes to understand and accept that. However, I can use my platform to educate men like him, so that maybe the next mom won’t feel the way I felt.
Before you continue reading, know that I am not nor will I ever try to convince anyone of the joys of dating a single mother. It’s not something to be taken lightly, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This list is my own personal experience and I am in no way speaking for ALL single mothers.
You’ll never be number 1.
A mother’s job is to take care of their offspring. As a single mother of two, my daughters come before any and everything. If I like you enough, you may be a close second, but that’s it. I carried them for 9 months each and pushed them out of my body, that’s a bond that no one can compare to.
You’ll have to work around a schedule.
When you have children, you can’t just get up and go whenever you please. That means no random late night runs to McDonald’s, Best Buy, or any other place that would require a babysitter without proper notice. If you want to date a single mom, you have to plan ahead and give her time to make the necessary arrangements. That’s common courtesy whether you’re dating a single mother or not, but I digress.
You’ll have to date their kids.
If you’re dating a single mom, eventually you’ll have to meet their kids. If you don’t like kids, you shouldn’t be dating a single mom. Simple, right?
You may have to meet their ex.
Not every single mother coparents, but those of us that do, have to communicate with our exes from time to time. It doesn’t mean anything is going on, it just means we have to behave like adults for the sake of a child. If you’re in a long-term relationship with a single mom, you’re probably going to be introduced to the ex at some point.
You shouldn’t date a single mother, if you’re still a man-child.
Dating a single mother comes with A LOT of responsibility. It’s a lot to deal with, especially if you don’t have children of your own yet. Not everyone can handle or wants to handle dating a woman and accepting a child that isn’t theirs and that’s fine. If you know you’re not ready to put in the extra effort that comes with dating a single mother, LEAVE HER ALONE! Only a child would pursue someone knowing they have no real intentions on staying around.
As I stated before, I will never try to convince anyone that dating me or any other single mom is all Skittles and rainbows. Selling dreams is how you end up with your feelings hurt. I just hope that by reading this, some of you think before you act. We’re people with emotions just like anyone else. If you’re dating a single mom, or thinking about dating a single mom, chances are she’s already been through enough. Don’t be the douche that adds to the problem.
Don’t forget to subscribe to the email list, so that you don’t miss out on my blog updates!
Hi, I’m Chantal. I’m a mom of two, self proclaimed naturalista, and Author of Growing Girls With Curls: Short Stories For Girls of Color. Being a mom is hard. Pair that with being a single, black, millennial in America and it’s a whole different monster. Feel free to join my mailing list and follow along as I blog through this crazy thing called life.
There are many benefits to dating a single mom but this post nails it in that you have to be mature and willing. Great read!
Author
Hi Tiffany,
Thank you so much for reading.
A MAN-MADE CHILD! SO DEEP! I LOVED THIS PEACE.
I enjoyed your story! One thing I do want to say is do not let this one experience discourage you from dating or meeting anyone else. I pray that God sends you the right MAN and he will not only date you but he will Court you with the intentions of marrying you and your beautiful girls. His pursuit will be genuine because he values AND respects you as a woman and a mother.
Take it from someone who has been there before. Single mom of two, now married mom of five. It’s possible darling.
Keep up the great work, mama! Keep those standards high! Your Boaz is around the way! ?
I love this read and I’m glad you met this ass earlier than later. Not only did it save you heart ache in the end. You made a kick ass blog post about it.
Author
Haha thank you so much for reading, Unique!
I enjoyed this! Im so sorry he showed his whole ass and hurt your feelings, but it’s good he eventually showed all of his colors.
This post was honest and I appreciate that you shared it! My fingers are crossed for you to find your “unicorn” that can meet your standards and non-negotiables when it concerns you and your children.
Author
Thank you so much for reading!
LOL “kind of cute depending on the angle”!! Those appearance standards tend to get lower the older ya get. lol I’m 36 and have been divorced since I was 26. Dating with kids sucks. The spontaneous stuff is so annoying and is the reason many didn’t stick around.
Author
Thanks for sharing your experience!! I’m trying not to be as shallow as I get older lol.
Great post. I was laughing when you said burn the guy truck. ???. I enjoyed this, as I am a single mother of a son with special Needs. So you can imagine my issues. I liked your points. I’m saving this for if I ever date in the 21st century. ?
Charlene
Faithtoraisenate.com
Author
lol thank you for reading !
Hello Chantal, I was so moved by this post that I decided to nominate you for the Liebster Award. Congrats! Here are the rules (similar to Blogger Recognition, so you won’t be lost :-)) http://www.oliviasnewlife.com/first-anniversary-the-liebster-award-second-nomination/
I hope you’ll accept.
Have a fabulous day!
Author
Hi, Vanessa. Thank you so much !! I’ve already done a post about the Liebster Award, but I’m grateful that you thought I deserved it.
Great read!!! I am a single mother but I am in a relationship with a man that is not my child’s father for 4 years. All of the things that you listed were things that I required of my boyfriend in the beginning and still now in our relationship. He understands that we (my son and I ) were already a family he met me. He is the outsider that wanted/s to come into our family and in order to do that there were and still are required. Thanks for sharing !
Author
Thanks for reading !
This is a good post and so true on many levels. Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m subscribing.
Author
Aww thank you so much for reading 🙂
This is a good read I’m sure many people can’t relate
Author
Thank you for reading!
This a powerful and very honest post! I don’t even know what to say, it must be difficult to find someone who will accept you and your daughters. I’m sure you will.
Author
Thank you for reading!
Great post. I was raised by a single mother and this list hits it on the nose. Especially the man-child one. My stepdad was almost a decade younger than my mom and to be honest, he had a lot of growing up to do before he was a permanent fixture in our family.
Author
Thank you for reading! The struggle is real lol
You are so right. You come as a package deal. You can’t have one without the other. But to meet it seems like dating has become extremely hard anyway.
Author
It really has. Thanks for reading!
Great post! If I were single, I’d definitely look for an older man who I feel would mesh well better than a younger guy. Dating is hard though regardless of age and circumstance.
Great post! Dating in general is hard, but always interesting to hear how situations can make it even more difficult for certain people. Thank you for sharing!?
Beautiful post. I appreciate your perspective on dating for sure.
Author
Thank you !
Dating period is hard. I am a 54 year old widow and never thought it would be so hard to meet someone.