Dating in 2017 is hard, dating in 2017 when you’re a 26 year old single mother is harder. I’m either being approached by little boys with nothing to offer, or I’m being pursued by men with great careers who think they’re better than me. It’s enough to make anyone buy a lifetime supply of batteries and call it a day. A few months ago, I was happy. I thought I found my unicorn. He was educated, ambitious, and kind of cute depending on the angle. We got along perfectly. We were two nerds in a pod, until one day he compared me having children to buying a used car. . . Wait, what? To say my feelings were hurt would be an understatement.
I’m a pretty girl, partially educated (still working on that degree), and I take care of me and my daughters on my own I don’t have baby daddy drama, I’m not in the club every weekend, and I make sure my daughters and I uphold a certain standard at all times. It never dawned on me that being a single mother affected the way men looked at me regardless of how I carried myself. Before that day, it was never an issue. I always assumed that if someone pursued me knowing I had children, that meant they were ok with it. Apparently that’s not always the case. After I got over the initial blow and wanting to set his truck on fire, I realized two things. 1) He’s an ass. 2) Although he’s an ass, he had a right to feel the way he felt. I’m the one that made the decisions that ended with me being a single mother, so I can’t expect someone who has never been in my shoes to understand and accept that. However, I can use my platform to educate men like him, so that maybe the next mom won’t feel the way I felt.
Before you continue reading, know that I am not nor will I ever try to convince anyone of the joys of dating a single mother. It’s not something to be taken lightly, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This list is my own personal experience and I am in no way speaking for ALL single mothers.
You’ll never be number 1.
A mother’s job is to take care of their offspring. As a single mother of two, my daughters come before any and everything. If I like you enough, you may be a close second, but that’s it. I carried them for 9 months each and pushed them out of my body, that’s a bond that no one can compare to.
You’ll have to work around a schedule.
When you have children, you can’t just get up and go whenever you please. That means no random late night runs to McDonald’s, Best Buy, or any other place that would require a babysitter without proper notice. If you want to date a single mom, you have to plan ahead and give her time to make the necessary arrangements. That’s common courtesy whether you’re dating a single mother or not, but I digress.
You’ll have to date their kids.
If you’re dating a single mom, eventually you’ll have to meet their kids. If you don’t like kids, you shouldn’t be dating a single mom. Simple, right?
You may have to meet their ex.
Not every single mother coparents, but those of us that do, have to communicate with our exes from time to time. It doesn’t mean anything is going on, it just means we have to behave like adults for the sake of a child. If you’re in a long-term relationship with a single mom, you’re probably going to be introduced to the ex at some point.
You shouldn’t date a single mother, if you’re still a man-child.
Dating a single mother comes with A LOT of responsibility. It’s a lot to deal with, especially if you don’t have children of your own yet. Not everyone can handle or wants to handle dating a woman and accepting a child that isn’t theirs and that’s fine. If you know you’re not ready to put in the extra effort that comes with dating a single mother, LEAVE HER ALONE! Only a child would pursue someone knowing they have no real intentions on staying around.
As I stated before, I will never try to convince anyone that dating me or any other single mom is all Skittles and rainbows. Selling dreams is how you end up with your feelings hurt. I just hope that by reading this, some of you think before you act. We’re people with emotions just like anyone else. If you’re dating a single mom, or thinking about dating a single mom, chances are she’s already been through enough. Don’t be the douche that adds to the problem.