People often talk about double standards in the work place, in relationships, and even appearances. No one ever talks about double standards when it comes to parenting. Unfortunately, we live in a time where people shame and side-eye single mothers, but won’t say anything about the men that made them mothers to begin with. Those same people then praise their own mothers and call her “the strongest person alive” for doing what exactly? BEING A SINGLE MOTHER!
I’ve been a mom for almost seven years now. On one hand, my girls are the best thing to ever happen to me. On the other, I can REALLY do without the crap that comes with single motherhood. Everyone has an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do with your own children, especially when it comes to the other parent. If you’re co-parenting with no issues, you’re probably still sleeping with your child’s father. If your child doesn’t see their father at all, it’s most likely because of something you did. Mom gets the heat, while dad gets a pass. Every. Single. Time.
I do want to start by saying that I am in no way trying to take away from the good fathers out there. My youngest daughter has the best father ever and I love him for being that for her. However, I do believe that if men were held to the same standards as women when it comes to parenting, there wouldn’t be as many broken homes and fatherless children running around. There are certain areas and situations where single mothers have to carry majority of the load and it’s not fair.
“She chose him, so it’s her fault she’s a single mother.” . . . I just want to point out that while there is truth to that statement, it takes two people to make a baby. I know it’s been a while since some of us were in a Human Anatomy class, but that’s definitely how they’re made. With that being said, men choose to have unprotected sex just like women do. When said unprotected sex produces a child, BOTH parties involved are at fault. Why people choose to just blame the female is beyond me. At what point do we hold men accountable for their part in these situations?
“As a mother, you have to take care of your child regardless. Even if the father isn’t there, you have to get it done.” As resilient as mothers are, we shouldn’t have to do it alone. Stop giving men a pass to be a POS father just because you had one sis. If a mother woke up one day and decided to leave her kids to live her best life without them, it would be a real problem. So, why is it ok for men to do it? When did taking responsibility for your children become optional? I’ve been taking care of my oldest daughter by myself since she was born. Despite us being married, her father has done absolutely nothing for her, but post her picture to social media occasionally and even those are old. Instead of his “friends” and family making him take responsibility for his actions they pacify him and his sob stories like he’s not a whole grown
ass man. That’s definitely part of the problem, but I digress.
“Be humble, sit down” – Kendrick Lamar . . . If you take care of your kids alone, you can’t actually say that you take care of your kids alone. If your baby’s father is a POS, you shouldn’t call him one because God forbid you sound bitter for stating facts. Meanwhile, its okay for deadbeat fathers (because that’s what they are) to snap,tweet, and flex on Instagram all of the money and time they don’t spend on their children. It’s okay for them to live their best child free life, but you can’t call them on it. I just really want to know when this became a thing because I’m already over it.
When single women have children, they’re considered “baggage.” When single men have children, they’re proof that he’s a family man and provider. HOW? They both did the same thing and got the same results. How is one situation different from the other? I told y’all in my Reason’s You Shouldn’t Date A Single Mother post about the jackass that I used to date who compared me to a used car because I had kids. What I didn’t mention was, his mother was a single mother before he was born . . . “Vroom, Vroom!”
Double standards will probably always exist. Is it right? Definitely not, especially when it comes to parenting. It takes two people to make a child, so two people should take accountability for their actions and responsibility for that child. I said it once and I’ll say it again; if fathers were held to the same standard as mothers, there wouldn’t be as many single mothers and fatherless children running around.