Letter to My Fatherless Child

To Aubrey, my first born.
I was 19 when I married your father and gave birth to you. I was still a child myself, but I was determined to give you the family that I didn’t have. I never imagined that I would have to raise you on my own.  This wasn’t the life I pictured for us. It really breaks my heart to know that one day you’re going to look at me and ask me all of the questions that I once asked your Nana . Like you, mommy didn’t have her father around either. I used to pretend to be ok with it for Nana’s sake, but I wasn’t. I misbehaved and did a lot of things that I am not proud of for attention. I was trying to fill a void and I don’t want you to ever have to go through that.  I know that it bothers you when you see sissy with her daddy. I can see the disappointment on your face. I want you to know that your daddy DOES love you. Sometimes people just have to find their own way. I’m so sorry for the way that my decisions have affected you. I will spend the rest of my life being the best mother to you and your sister that I can be. I just want you to know that no matter what, Mommy loves you and you are enough. Pretty enough, smart enough, and special enough to do anything you put your mind to. Someday when you’re older, we will read this letter together and I will answer all of the questions you may have. Until then, I will continue to love and watch you grow into the beautiful butterfly you will someday be.

Love Always,



Hi, I’m Chantal. I’m a mom of two, self proclaimed naturalista, and Author of Growing Girls With Curls: Short Stories For Girls of Color. Being a mom is hard. Pair that with being a single, black, millennial in America and it’s a whole different monster. Feel free to join my mailing list and follow along as I blog through this crazy thing called life.

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  1. October 3, 2017 / 12:56 am

    This is so beautiful, I also just became a single mom when my boy was 2 months, he’s now 4months. I can relate to your pain, and I keep on telling myself I will do all that I can to be the best mommy my son can ever have.

    • Chantal
      October 3, 2017 / 11:26 am

      You got it mama! It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible. Just keep taking care of your beautiful baby boy, it’ll all be worth it in the end. Thank you so much for reading!

  2. October 2, 2017 / 11:22 pm

    It is not easy to say the hard things especially like this. It looks as though getting it out now will help you in the future, you know in terms of gathering your thoughts. I wish the life of a whole household on every child but that isn’t reality. Hopefully, those that love their children enough will compensate for the void.

    Thanks for sharing this part of you!

    • Chantal
      October 2, 2017 / 11:33 pm

      Thank you so much for reading.

  3. Brittany
    October 2, 2017 / 9:10 pm

    This is so beautifully written. Your girls are so fortunate to have such a loving mother!

    • Chantal
      October 2, 2017 / 11:32 pm

      Thank you for reading!

  4. The Unfiltered Momma
    October 2, 2017 / 8:57 pm

    So touching! You’re rockin it momma

    • Chantal
      October 2, 2017 / 11:32 pm

      Thanks Haley 🙂

  5. Marie Carter
    October 2, 2017 / 6:55 pm

    I love the love in this post. Thanksfor sharing your expression to your daughter with us. Many of us single moms can relate to your sentiments. Love to you both ❤

    • Chantal
      October 2, 2017 / 11:30 pm

      Thank you so much.

  6. October 2, 2017 / 4:15 pm

    This is so important and brave of you to right it! She’s lucky to have such an amazing mom and family!

    • Chantal
      October 2, 2017 / 11:30 pm

      Aww thanks Britney 🙂

  7. Felicia
    July 16, 2017 / 7:43 am

    This is beautiful! So proud of you my love!

    • Chantal
      July 26, 2017 / 1:23 am

      Thank you so much !

  8. Toshia
    July 14, 2017 / 2:16 am

    I am so proud of you for being such a brave soul and encourage your daughter. In our community, we tend to go on as if things do not effect us and our growth as an individual. This is beautiful and she will be just as beautiful.

    • Chantal
      July 14, 2017 / 7:14 am

      Thanks Toshia:)

  9. Jasmine
    July 14, 2017 / 12:13 am

    I love this so much you just don’t understand. Keep writing and sharing your words in this way. Even when people hurt you, share love by writing beautiful stuff like this. Oh, and she’ll read this one day and her heart will be full and she’ll see how amazing and strong her mama really is. Sending love from Houston! ?

    • Chantal
      July 15, 2017 / 9:57 am

      Thanks Jasmine !!