I’ve been co-parenting my youngest daughter for almost five years now, and the experience has been a real eye opener. I was a single mother who was raised by a single mother, so accepting help from my daughter’s father was hard at first. I fought that man every way that I could, until I realized that him wanting to be a parent was a good thing. It took A LOT of prayer from our mothers, a couple of sit downs, and maturity for us to make our co-parenting situation work. Baby girl is four now, and her father and I have both grown from this experience. Here are a few lessons about co-parenting that I’ve learned through trial and error.
- Remember that it’s not about you, it’s about the child.
So what, if things didn’t work out between you two. You created a child together, so raise that child together. Tap into whatever it was that got you here and put your differences aside. - Keep your body parts to yourselves.
Whewwww . . . It took two years for me to figure this one out. Having sex while you’re trying to build a healthy co-parenting relationship can make things messier than they have to be. Boundaries get crossed, lines get blurred, and an already complicated situation gets more complicated. It’s best to just keep your clothes on and your mind clear, when trying to co-parent. - Come up with a schedule.
Sit down and come up with a parenting schedule that works for the both of you. Be open and willing to compromise. It’s important for children to have stability, so be consistent with whatever you two decide. - Keep conversations short and strictly about the child.
If you can’t get along, it’s best to keep conversations short. Too many words being exchanged makes it easier for something to be misconstrued and “ain’t nobody got time for that.” - Don’t use your children has pawns.
There is nothing more childish than using your child to get back at the other parent. I’ve seen men and women do this, and all it does is confuse the child in the end. You can help your child avoid years of therapy, by solving your issues verbally and like adults. - Learn how to pick your battles.
Before you react, ask yourself if it’s really worth it. Things won’t always be skittles and rainbows. As co-parents, you’re going to disagree. It’s important to find common ground and do whatever is best for the child. Not everything requires a reaction. Sometimes it’s best to just be quiet and let it be what it is. - Keep your issues off of social media.
We live in a time where it’s not uncommon to see someone bashing their baby’s mother/father online. Social media has made it easy to vent your frustrations out for the whole world to see. Before you post, think about how your child would feel if they were to read your comments. - Know your rights.
I prefer to keep things outside of the courthouse, but it’s important to know your parental rights just case. It takes two people to make a child and by law, those two people share responsibility for said child. Now, there are exceptions to the rule. That is why it is so important to do your research before and after having kids. - Create similar house rules.
Once you have your schedule ready, it’s important to go over household rules. Children need stability. Having similar household rules can help make the transition from home to home as smooth as possible. - Enjoy your time off.
Being a parent is a full time job. While your child is with their other parent, relax. Take some time to take care of yourself. It’s the perfect time to clean, shop, or SLEEP. Use the time apart to get yourself back to 100%.
Even with tips, there is no perfect way to parent or co-parent. It’s all a learning process. At the end of the day, the goal is to raise a happy, healthy, and loving child to be the best version of themselves.
DON’T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE EMAIL LIST TO GET INSTANT BLOG UPDATES!
Hi, I’m Chantal. I’m a mom of two, self proclaimed naturalista, and Author of Growing Girls With Curls: Short Stories For Girls of Color. Being a mom is hard. Pair that with being a single, black, millennial in America and it’s a whole different monster. Feel free to join my mailing list and follow along as I blog through this crazy thing called life.
This was a very insightful blog post! I can see on how much everything that you and the father do to keep your child happy, safe and loved. You’re proving that it does work!! Given time and patience, you can get through co-parenting x
Ruth | melanintalks.wordpress.com
I commend you because not many can do this. I’ll be sure to pass this on to my friend who needs to see this and learn how to coparent.
Author
Thanks love!
This is great advice. I love how you kept circling back to “it’s all about the child”. “Think about how the child would view your actions.”
This would be very helpful to all the single parents who are raising children together. Keeping the focus on the child is the most important tip to remember.
Thanks for sharing this with me, this is so helpful and important for all parents, co parenting really helps .
Great tips! I will definitely share with my single Mommas.
I am not a single parent, but I have friends who are, and I know this post would be a great read for them! Thank you for sharing your personal story! It was very insightful!
Coparenting can be great. I agree with you that keeping hands to yourselves and enjoying time off are needed! Great post 🙂
YES to all of this! Especially keeping family issues offline. Kids will find them someday and it can open old wounds. You’re article was super insightful!
Well said. Both parents have to be onboard. Co-parenting is not a one way street.
Wow I was a single mom for 5 years, however the father chose not to have any communication with his kid!!! I think these tips are amazing you are definitely showing maturity that many moms and dads don’t have!
I am not a single mom but when I was a teacher I saw so many parents who didn’t co-parent like you do. I love these tips and wish I could have passed it along to those parents I encountered.
I’m a single mom too and we are not at the co-parenting stage. Haven’t talked in years but this is great advice and proof that it can happen if both parties are willing!
Author
Yeah, I don’t talk to my oldest daughter’s dad at all. I think it all comes down to how they were raised, but that’s a post for another day lol
You provide great tips for moms and dads who are co-parenting. I can only imagine how difficult it is to co-parent, but it sounds like you’ve figured it out! Thanks for providing this great resource!
Girl if this blog ain’t the truth! I personally don’t go through this because my first son’s father took the “easy way out” aka absence. But I agree 100% with everything you said. Our generation needs to hear this. Thanks for being transparent!
Author
My first daughter’s father did the exact same thing, so I completely understand. It took a while to adjust to coparenting because I was used to doing everything on my own. Our generation definitely needs to hear this though, it’s too many babies without both parents out here.
Amazing article. Sooooo many couple get it twisted and in the end the kids suffer. I’m a stepmom and the co-parenting thing was hard for me because they hadn’t followed a lot of this advice. Wish they’d read this.
Author
Thank you! It’s definitely not easy, but it’s worth it.