Is there really a such thing as a perfect mother? Social media has taken mom bashing to an all time high. Everyone thinks that their way is THE way. Feed your kids this, don’t let your kids do that. I’m here to tell you that there is no right way to parent. How do I know?? I’ve just been winging it for the last six years, and my girls are still happy and healthy. Here’s a list of mom confessions, from this not so perfect mama that will probably make some heads shake.
Confession #1: I NEVER wanted kids
. . . but here I am, rockin it !
Confession #2: I don’t always comb my girl’s hair.
Truth be told, I rarely comb my own. I just spritz it with water and go about my day.
Confession #3: I can’t cook.
Can’t as in I have no interest in learning. I know how to prepare the basics well enough to make sure my kids aren’t starving, but that’s it. Thank goodness Publix keeps cereal on the weekly BOGO list.
Confession #4: I don’t censor my music in the car.
Pretty girls LOVE Trap Music and this mom is no different.
Confession #5: I may be the only mom that doesn’t mind my girls watching Caillou.
He whines and gets into stuff like any other four year old. I don’t see the problem.
Confession #6: My girl’s know how to use the word “ratchet”
. . . I may or may not call people, places, and things ratchet in front of them.
Confession #7: My girls have NEVER eaten anything organic or gluten free.
And guess what, they’re still alive and healthy.
Confession #8: I’m not above fighting other adults and children over my girls.
Overprotective much?? I will not play with anyone about them.
Confession #9: I once had to choose between dropping my Iphone or my 10 month old . . .
Courtlynn got right back up without a tear, or a scratch.
Confession #10: My girls love watching Child’s Play.
I tried to explain to them that Chucky isn’t very nice, but they see him as a doll and thinks he’s cute. Who am I to tell them different?
Confession #11: My kid’s get candy everyday.
They are allowed to get one, sometimes two pieces out of the candy bucket everyday. No cavities or silver caps yet.
Confession #12: Once upon a time, my six year old wasn’t scared of the dark.
Until I ruined that by letting her watch Doris get possessed by angry spirits in the Ouija Movie.
Confession #13: I often pretend to use the bathroom.
Surely, I’m not the only mom that sits on the tub playing Candy Crush. Those few moments to myself bring me joy.
Confession #14: I throw my kid’s crafts away when they’re not paying attention.
I have a wall for Aubrey to hang her most prized drawings and crafts on. If it doesn’t make it to the wall, it goes in the trash.
Confession #15: Halloween was last Tuesday . . .
I took all of the girl’s king sized candy and told them that the “Zombie Principal” must’ve eaten it.
Confession #16: Listerine isn’t just for cleaning your mouth out.
My youngest dropped her new toothbrush on the floor. I ran it under hot water and poured Listerine over it to kill the bacteria. She’s still using it.
Confession #17: I have to stay away from the beer aisles in the grocery store.
Why?? Because my three year old yells “those are big boy drinks” as loud as she can. You can thank her father for that one.
Confession #18: Tablets are my girl’s best friends.
IDC, IDC, IDC . . . The Nick Jr App and Finger Family Song entertains them for HOURS while I get work done.
Confession #19: I told my girls that Santa isn’t real.
Sorry, not sorry. I spend too much money on Christmas gifts, for someone else to get the credit.
Confession #20: Speaking of Zombie Principal (look it up on Youtube kids) . . .
I now use her to get my three year old to stop raising hell in my apt. I don’t spank her, I just tell her the Zombie Principal is coming to get her. It’s mean, but effective.
For the not so perfect mothers out there, this one is for you. Feel free to share your own mom confessions in the comment section.
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Hi, I’m Chantal. I’m a mom of two, self proclaimed naturalista, and Author of Growing Girls With Curls: Short Stories For Girls of Color. Being a mom is hard. Pair that with being a single, black, millennial in America and it’s a whole different monster. Feel free to join my mailing list and follow along as I blog through this crazy thing called life.
Hilarious list ??????
I have a adult Children now but as a young Mom I was guilty of #1, 3, & 13.
Mom guilt is normal what I don’t like, and never tolerated is Mom bashing…. that’s not kool
These are great! Thanks for the laughs!
Author
I’m glad you liked it. Thank you for reading!
This was a lovely read! Thank you for being honest and open about your experience. I’m not a mother (yet :)) but imagine that I would be making some of those confessions as well if I were because I’m a millennial and this is real life lol not social media. Wishing you and your little girls all the best and lots of happiness! x || http://www.lorikemi.com
Author
Thank you so much !
Thanks for the honesty. I also throw my daughter’s artwork away when she’s not looking. As she has gotten older I have had to be more discreet about my disposal of her creations. She once caught me in the act!
Author
Gotta be quicker than that lol. Thanks for reading!
Oh my goodness… I’m there! I feel you on 80% of your list. You’re a terrific mom, I think. Keep up the good work.
Author
Thank you so much for reading!
I absolutely love this. I was dying at #9. Girl its too expensive to get those screens fixed. And no you are not the only one that pretends to use the bathroom. I sometimes hide in my closet too. And yes tablets are great but if I have to hear the family finger song or the Johnny Johnny song I may screammmm. lol
Author
Don’t judge me, but I definitely just sang the Johnny Johhny song in my head lol. Thank you so much for reading.
Haha. I was laughing out loud. Loved it!
Author
Thank you for reading!!
Hahaha, I love these! I can relate to a WHOLE lot of them as well 😉
Author
Lol thank you for reading Christine!
Haha I enjoyed reading this…more confessions please
Author
I’ll definitely do a part two ! lol
Hahaha, yes!! My 3 year old gets candy at least once, if not twice a day because I’m getting in the candy bucket too! Lol. And her Kindle or Netflix are amazing for letting me get stuff done.
Author
I’m sure I’ve eaten more Halloween candy than the girls have lol.
Lol I dropped my daughter once because I thought a bug was on me lol She’s ok. Lol These are funny. When I need my 4 year to be good I let her play ABC mouse. Funny post
Author
They’re resilient !! Thank you so much for reading.
This had me laughing out loud! I don’t have children but if I did, I think about 15 of these would apply to me as a parent, keep doing you, you’re a good mama, and thank you for sharing this with us!
Author
Thank you so much for reading !!
Yep, never gonna be the perfect parent! My three kids under 6 love Fall Out Boy because I refuse to play kiddie music!
Author
It’s so annoying lol. I tried the Annie and Moana Soundtrack in the car, but I just can’t!
LOVE this so much! Why some people are obsessed with perfection, I’ll never know. As long as my kids are happy and healthy, that’s all that matters to me!
Author
Yes! Thank you so much for reading Jaime 🙂
This definitely had me laughing, very funny read.
Author
Glad you enjoyed! Thank you for reading 🙂
hahhahaj #13 got me LOLing because I do stretch my time in there sometimes lol, good read.
Author
lol thank you so much for reading!
Too funny! Thanks for sharing.
I love this so much! I appreciate real mamas, we can’t be perfect. The important thing is that our kids are warm, healthy, safe, fed and loved!!!
Author
Yes, healthy and happy children are all that matters.
I love this ! Thank you was completely thinking of doing something similar. It’s so needed and I wish everyone would remember that no mum is perfect
This is amazing! I wish my mommy stories were this funny! Your girls are going to love looking back at this when they’re older!
Author
Give it time lol. I”m sure they’re going to think i’m nuts when they get older and look back at all of the posts and pictures.
I love this!! Real mamas UNITE!!
Author
Haha thanks so much for reading!!
Haha! I wish my mum read this when I was growing up, especially the part about not brushing their hair! I was the only one with mad curls in the family!
Author
It’s a struggle lol. I”m glad you enjoyed !
Thanks for this post and for keeping it real! I love this – and can relate to MANY (if not most of these confessions 🙂 The path of motherhood is like the advanced course in coming home to your own heart. While you’ve got three balls in the air, another one (or 5) get thrown in, and we, as amazing beings, learn to readjusted, realign, harmonize (or not) and carry on. This the path of mom – to be challenged in a way that what was once unthinkable, is now a new consciousness – it is a moment-to-moment practice to expand our capacities, and our heart. Blessings <3
Author
Thank you so much for this comment Evelyn!!
100% relate. Thank you for the real ness
Author
Thank you so much for reading!! Glad you can relate 🙂
Fun, entertaining and straight real!!!! I love the humor in your truth. I’m a mom of a four year old girl and life isn’t perfect so why should we have to be? Feed them, nurture love them and make sure they’re healthy ?. I am so guilty of #’s 2,3,4,11&13!!! Lol….
Thanks for sharing! Keep rocking motherhood!
Author
Haha thanks so much!! Glad someone can relate.
Just, this! I relate to 13 all too well. It’s either that or I’m in my closet with a candy bar trying to enjoy some peace for at least a minute!
Author
I do that too! lol
Keepin’ it REAL!! Haha I love it! And enjoyed getting to know more about you! Great read. 🙂
Author
Hi Karli,
Thank you so much for reading !!
I just want you to know that I LOVE this post! I have learned to just go with the flow and as long as my son is happy and healthy I’m good! And yes, pretty girls love trap music. LoL
Author
Haha thank you so much! I learned that they don’t need us to be perfect, they just need love, affection, and the occasional band-aid lol.
Yes! You are so right! I’m learning this myself.
I’m not a mom but you’re definitely not the only one doing #13! Hahaha!
Author
Lol thanks for reading! The struggle for alone time is real lol
OMG love it. I’ve done all of these on occasion and some ALL THE TIME! And my kids are still alive! Hahahaha
Author
Proof that you don’t have to be perfect to have happy, healthy children lol.
I just want you to know that I am CRYING laughing over here! Number 4, 8 and 13 are MY LIFE and I almost dropped my phone when I read #9! Loved this post! ❤️
Author
Listen, Courtlynn had insurance, my iphone didn’t! lol Thanks for reading !