It’s been two months since my Choosing Differently post. Going back and reading what I initially wrote was rough. I wrote that blog post four days post abortion. At the time, I still hadn’t processed what actually happened. It was literally 12 days between the time I found out and the time I had my procedure done. I got through it by telling myself that THAT was my only option. Maybe it was my only option, maybe it wasn’t. I just know that choosing differently made me different.
Quick recap for those of you who haven’t read the Choosing Differently post yet. Girl met guy, girl got pregnant, girl terminated pregnancy. Before my procedure, I wasn’t pro-choice or pro-life. Because I know how easy it is for someone else’s situation to become my own, I’ve always tried not to pass judgement on either end. I choose to believe that women who find themselves in similar situations choose what’s best for them in the end. Call me crazy, but I honestly do not believe that there is a right or wrong choice in situations like this.
Since my abortion, I have been going through it physically and mentally. I got sick shortly after. I had to take pain meds around the clock for two weeks because I couldn’t walk without being in pain. I felt like I was being punished for what I did, and I felt like I deserved it. Guilt set in. I thought about the way I treated the father when I found out. I thought about how I could’ve gotten a std by having unprotected sex. I also thought about the life that could’ve been. I started to experience postpartum depression, and I definitely didn’t think that was possible. I was in a dark place, and it’s been a struggle trying to get out.
Right now, I’m in a slightly better place. I’m still struggling with my feelings, but I still believe that it was for the best. I know some people think abortion is wrong and selfish. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I’m not trying to push my beliefs or decisions on anyone else. I just hope that people read my posts and see that things aren’t always black and white. I actually came across a young woman who went through a similar situation in one of my blogging groups. You can check out her video on her experience down below.
Hi, I’m Chantal. I’m a mom of two, self proclaimed naturalista, and Author of Growing Girls With Curls: Short Stories For Girls of Color. Being a mom is hard. Pair that with being a single, black, millennial in America and it’s a whole different monster. Feel free to join my mailing list and follow along as I blog through this crazy thing called life.
