Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places: Five People I’ve Dated In My 20’s.

At 27, I’ve been engaged twice and married once. I’ve played with and been played by the best of them and now I’m just over it. Bottom line, I tend to attract assholes. I’m not sure if I find them that way, or if I make them that way. It’s probably a little bit of both. I’d love to blame my poor taste in men on my less than present father, but I have to hold this L on my own. I’ve dated, and dealt with at least five men (using that word loosely) in my 20’s. All of them appeared to be good guys, and most of them were sent to me as a test straight from the pits of Hell. Per usual, this is the part where I overshare and you all get a good laugh and hopefully learn from my mistakes.

The Narcissistic Sociopath
My high school sweetheart, aka my husband, bka my baby’s father. I’m pretty sure he tortured baby bunnies as a child, but I married him anyway. Before he opted out of being an adult, he was my bestfriend in the whole world. He was the only person who I felt like understood me. We were exactly alike which was a red flag in itself. I was the tornado to his volcano, and that relationship was as toxic as it sounds. At 19, I thought I knew everything. I didn’t know that I was never supposed to marry him. I was supposed to learn a lesson from him, and keep it moving. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way. I learned to not ignore the red flags in a relationship. Our relationship was toxic from the beginning and toxic was exactly how it ended. I could’ve saved myself and my child the heartache had I listened to my gut and the people around me since day one.

The Gentleman
So, this person is actually not an asshole, I was the ass in this situation. When we began dating, I had already been married and I had a baby. At the same time, he was a sophomore in college with no responsibilities or a care in the world. He treated and still treats me like the sun rises and sets on my ass, but I’ve always felt like he was too good for me. Not good as in better, but I felt like he was innocent and I was corrupting him. He was and still is so well mannered with pure intentions, and I feel like he deserves someone without my baggage. This gentlemen here taught me exactly how I should be treated and I am so thankful to still have him in my life.

The Married Ex-boyfriend
Talk about a blast from the past. . . I’m not going to say much about him, because the fact than he’s even on this list pretty much sums it up. He taught me what I don’t want my marriage to be like. The fact that I willingly entered a situation like that, shows how desperate and out of touch with reality that I was. It took three years for me to realize that I was better than that. I learned to believe nothing that people say, and everything that they do.

The Nymphomaniac
You know the saying “too much of a good thing, is a bad thing.” I saw and heard a lot of things that I could’ve gone my entire life without knowing. From him, I learned the importance of STD screening . . . NEXT

The Minister
When f*ck boys believe that they’re good people . . . This situation is pretty fresh, and I’m still trying to process it . This person is the only person on the list that I haven’t exclusively dated. However, for the last 3 1/2 years, he was the closest thing I had to a boyfriend. My children were a problem for him. He comes from a family of ministers, so dating the girl with two kids and a temper isn’t a good look when trying to keep up appearances. Three years ago, it wasn’t an issue for me. I had no intentions on DATING him anyway, so I didn’t care what his preference was. He was someone I grew up with and trusted completely. I told him everything, good and bad. It was the perfect situation, until it wasn’t. Years went by and things started to happen. He started to come around my kids more and more and our friendship/relationship/situationship WHATEVER it was shifted. Imagine my surprise when at a CHURCH function, someone told me he had a girlfriend. A WHAT?! He knew about everything I’ve been through and how hard it was for me to dig myself out of a similar situation. For him to put me back in that position without my knowledge was the ultimate betrayal. I thought about everything that happened in the last few years and how I always tried to look out for his image. After all of that, this person didn’t even have the decency to be honest with me. ME, the person who kept a pregnancy quiet because he’s a minister and how would that look? ME, who took honeybuns (y’all know I can’t cook) and homemade cards from my kids to him when his grandmother died. He taught me that things aren’t always what they appear to be. He also taught me to be mindful of the people that I get close to, and the people that I allow around my kids. Oh yeah, and that “friend’s with benefits” shit doesn’t work.

Well, That escalated quickly. I know I’ve said a lot in this blog post, but I wish four out of the five the best in everything they do. I’m still pretty cool with most of them. We were young when we dated, and life is about learning. I thank them for the lessons that they’ve taught me, and now I know what to avoid because of them. That last one on the other hand can go straight to Hell. I don’t want to say anymore because I’m sure Jesus is shaking his head, but it will take all 12 disciples and then some for me to ever let this person near me again. Thank you, next!

8 Comments

  1. Anyea
    April 25, 2019 / 8:02 am

    I’m late reading the blog. However your life changing relationships/situations are good learning tools for those who are not there,in the middle, or close to ending it. I myself have met 4/5 starting at age 19 and now here I am at the good age of 28, so unless the relationship I’m in now is one also then its 5! Praying it’s not. I aswell have 2 daughters the oldest is 7 and my baby is 6mths….big gap..trust I know. We was blessed with my 6mth in my last “relationship #4” I just knew he was the one for me,just for me to find out during my pregnancy he definitely was NOT! Anywho keep your head high, keep loving your babies,keep learning and moving forward & keep blogging 😊

  2. April 2, 2019 / 4:54 pm

    Girl… been there. Except… I married “the gentleman!!” My (2nd) husband made me FEEL MY WORTH, and that’s what you need and are missing from all of these men. He’s out there girl and when you find a man that inspires you to be better version of yourself but worships you at the same time… go “En Vogue” on his ass: “Hold him tight and don’t let goooooo….” 🥰

    • Chantal
      Author
      April 4, 2019 / 8:25 am

      Lol thank you so much for this Laura!

  3. Yocana
    April 2, 2019 / 3:22 pm

    It is so hard now a days to find good man. Thank God I found my prince but had to go thru a frog first. You will find the one when the right time comes. Lovely read

  4. April 2, 2019 / 10:19 am

    I love that you were able to make us life through this read. I feel like it is so hard to find a great man (I got lucky). But you are right – the term man can defintly be used loosly with so many of the ones we encounter.

  5. April 1, 2019 / 11:42 pm

    Wow girl! I have definitely dated my fair share of men I should have I separated from sooner. Just focus on those babies and being a good mama to them!

    • Chantal
      Author
      April 2, 2019 / 7:50 am

      Thanks for reading, Amanda! Thanks for the advice too! That’s definitely the plan

  6. April 1, 2019 / 9:09 pm

    Thanks for an entertaining read. I hope that things settle down for you in the romance department, but the drama sure has given you some good stories!

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